Toddler life

A glimpse into the life of a 15 month old...


3pm. Woken from nap unceremoniously. Mum muttered something about not letting me sleep all day just because I choose not to sleep at night. Seems unreasonable.


3:01pm. Flick through books. I love books. So much paper to rip, chew on and destroy.  Also fun to throw over the edge of bed and make mum retrieve for me multiple times. Mum mentions something about books being precious and that they're for reading. She often talks nonsense.


3:02pm. Jackpot. Have spotted unattended glass of water on beside table. I need to get to it. I must get to it. 


3:03pm. The stakes just got higher. Electrical board spotted on floor directly underneath bedside table

must.spill.water.on.electrical.board.


3:04pm- Whilst trying to tip water onto electrical boards, I am distracted by a shoe horn.  What a fascinating toy this is.... it is now even more interesting to me than the possible outcome of water V electricity.  Note to self: revisit glass of water at a later time.


3:05pm- Just realised it's been 4 minutes since last ripping out a page of a book. Conveniently, Mum's favourite book is right here!! *rips front page out of book*. Am still not ready to move on from shoe horn. 


3:06pm - Mum says something about confiscating my books. As i'm a baby, I have no idea what this means, so I can only assume that this is a hilarious game and she wants me to come and rip out a second page from the book. 


3:07pm - Mum pushes me away and I nearly fall off bed.  Seems quite careless and negligent of her... buuuuut it is equally quite hilarious and not dire enough of a situation to let go of shoe horn.  

*Will make a mental note of negligent parenting decision and add it to the, already very long, list of things these two amateurs have done wrong in the past 15 months.  


3:08pm - Big sister left her dolly lying around. She hates me playing with her dolly... dolly is kidnapped and my interest in the shoehorn is over. 


3:09pm - Interest in dolly is over. Water has been removed from bedside, so that is boring. But there is a rather interesting drawer here filled with lots of things I'm not allowed.  Also, if I pull out this drawer hard and fast enough, I can knock the light over ! Win-win ! 


3:10pm - Mum continues to talk nonsense about me not being allowed in her bedroom anymore and tries to prevent me from putting choking hazards into my mouth. Wish she would loosen up a little. Might be time to explore other options...the outside world looks interesting


3:11pm - If I protest loud enough and long enough, eventually a passerby will assume I'm being held against my will and set me free... 


3:12pm - and I mean... look at this face!! Who are they gonna believe ... her or me!?


3:13pm-  This is taking longer than I thought. People appear to be ignoring my pleas. 


3:14pm - Mum says something irrational about not being able to take the incessant whining anymore (I can't be sure exactly what she's talking about because i'm not listening).

Aaaaaaaaannnnd, I have my freedom. 


3:15pm - Mum mutters something else about me being bad to the bone and tells me I'm only allowed to stay in the front yard.  Her voice reminds me of white noise... I pay no attention. 


3:16pm - Making my escape. 


3:17pm - Sweet sweet freedom. 


3:18pm - Mum starts drinking - doesn't look like water or milk. Says something about it being 5pm somewhere in the world. Calls dad and says she's exhausted  (I don't know why, i'm the one who has been doing all the playing... she's just hovering around like a weirdo) and tells him that if he doesn't leave work on time she will lose her mind (kind of seems like she already has.... just sayin).